It’s been almost five years of calling myself a kinkster and I still consider myself to be quite the novice. I’ve written quite a lot about my journey within The life, everything from first learning how to be a sub, falling in love with my first Dom, being basically screwed over by an awful Dom, what it feels like to be a Black woman kinkster and I once wrote a bit of a BDSM 101 piece. In all those five years the most common craving I had (along with a lot more bondage in my life) was being able to be in a space of dirty, curious people – even thinking about it now makes me want to cross my legs.
All the learning that I’ve done about kink was done on my Twitter timeline, some brave DMs, some even braver (and by brave, I really just mean dirty) Whatsapps, even better Skype sessions as well as a few interesting websites and Tumblrs along the way. The thing that I wanted, that wasn’t as easy to find, was real human contact. Being part of a short-lived “Let’s make it dirty” Whatsapp group had my hope alive for a while but with people spread around the country, we only met once while the rest of the time was spent exchanging nudes and sexual escapades as well as questions about things we were all curious about.
Wanting a space that would welcome people that were more than just what you get from the Google results of “bondage” I decided to take it upon myself to create one. Toni Morrison would be proud. Along with Dineo and Kgothatso, we were able to host an event that felt safe and was a space of sharing, learning and experimenting was more than I could have imagined. The space offered a lot of discussion, beginning with introductions as well as sharing progress in individual journeys. Dineo and Kgothatso, having a lot more experience than I do were able to share their own experiences, both speaking on the impact of being a Black woman within kink.
Our experiences are different but incredibly similar in that we all yearned for this space, we've been frustrated at what was currently on offer and were anxiously awaiting being able to share our experiences. Being able to be in a room of so many Black kinksters - both experienced and others simply curious - was the happiest I had felt in a long time. Being able to speak about that frustration was a release I could only compare to being choked.
The sentiment at the event was a similar one, everyone who attended was there to live their best life. While describing different roles within The Life, one of the guys who were in attendance figured out that they identify as submissive for ages, two couples in attendance were there because they were trying to learn about what their partner was interested about, Black women thanked us for creating a space were they could speak on what they loved without being fetishized, discussions on consensual non-consent were brought up and analysed, it really and truly was a dynamic group of people that I hope to see and play with again very soon.
Upon hearing about the event, the amazing people at Matildas sent us through a Kink Box containing a clitoral vibrator, bondage material, a vibrating butt plug and lube for days. As a side note, their delivery is amazing, I got my package the day following the offer. This was, of course, the perfect prize to give to whoever replicated Kgothatso’s mini bondage lesson. One of my favourite things was seeing how happy those who were being tied up looked. Feeling safe and protected while dressed in rope, I wasn’t at all surprised at how their faces were glowing.
So thank you. To all those who attended, even those who weren't able to come but sent through their love over the interwebs. We'll be doing it bigger and better soon and I cannot wait for the things that come from it. Cough.